The not-so-great news? Well, lest you think this part is easy for me, as the published author of six books, I wanted to share the details of how this final stretch has become a bit of a slog.

Here’s a list of the things that are getting in the way of finishing it up:

• Fear that it won’t be any good and I’ll disappoint everyone, because fiction is different and it’s not my wheelhouse

• Financial issues and deadlines that my brain tells me needs to be handled first

• A habit of putting service to others ahead of my own projects and goals

• Procrastinating by doing all the small, easy things on my to-do list first

• Having to tidy my space before jumping in to work on the book

• Feeling a lot of pressure to “do it all” myself, particularly in terms of running my business and publishing my books

• Bouncing back and forth between loving this story and doubting whether it has enough action or excitement for readers

Since I am an accomplished writing coach, I do have tools I’m using to help me overcome these excuses.

What is keeping me on task in terms of getting the manuscript ready to share?

• Scheduling times to work on the book when I’m with other writers who are also doing their thing

• Building in accountability by telling all of the beta readers that I’ll have it to them by June 15th

• Reminding myself that my creative work is essential to my well-being, and thus just as important as others’ errands or my home’s tidiness

• Taking time to daydream, playfully, about the characters and little bits I can add to make the story more fun

• Letting the manuscript be imperfect, as the whole point of sending it to beta readers is to get their suggestions on improving it

• Focusing on gratitude for all the people who offered to read it because they were excited by the story’s premise

• Remembering that this is a cozy contemporary fantasy, not an epic tale of wild adventures

I’m giving myself the grace to do this in a way that works for me. Sharing the novel is the most important thing right now, so I’m taking the steps that are key to that part of the process. I’ve let go of beating myself up for it not looking a certain way.

“Done is better than perfect,” as they say, and it’s especially true when it’s a draft that I’m sharing, not the final product.

I’m sure I’ll need to remind myself of that when it comes to publishing this thing. But that’s not what I’m doing now. Not yet. I’m just sharing it with these generous folks who have offered their help. They are going to support me in making it better.

Perhaps even perfect.

But maybe not.

And that’s okay.

I’ve had this hesitation around sharing my fiction, in particular, for some time. I’ve always loved stories, and part of me feels like in order to share one of my own fictional creations with the world, it does need to be perfect. Or it at least needs to add to the lexicon of tales in some substantial way.

I don’t want to let the readers down, but perhaps even more importantly, I don’t want to let the story itself down.

When I get into a place of doubt, I remember that I actually have shared my fiction before. I already sent the first book in my unpublished Patterns series around to beta readers, several years ago now, and many of them loved it. I’ve taken in their feedback and improved it even more since then. A few folks have recently been asking to read the second book.

I’ve also been reading excerpts from this current, stand-alone novel at my local arts center, and have had positive feedback about it. When I posted looking for beta readers, I got nearly two dozen enthusiastic replies in just two days!

I’m remembering that I have a community of supportive folks who are eager to help me in this process. I’m being gentle with myself, and also doing the work despite my nervousness.

I wrote this particular novel, in part, as a trial run for releasing my contemporary fantasy series. So in that sense, it’s an experiment. Remembering this also helps.

Here’s the premise of the book:

When Persimmon “Perri” Crowley loses her job and her Brooklyn apartment on the same day, she realizes it’s time to face the inherited mystery she’s been avoiding: a crumbling, seaside farmhouse in Maine. But stepping onto the neglected property reveals far more than she anticipated.

Determined to fix up her new home and carve out a fresh start, Perri encounters peculiar disturbances. Guided by her cat companion, strange dreams, and her witchy intuition, she discovers this is no ordinary haunting. The entity causing the problems is bound to her in ways she can’t ignore. As she navigates nightmares, elusive neighbors, and her own magickal missteps, Perri learns that building a new life will require every ounce of creativity and courage she has.

Filled with whimsy, warmth, and witchcraft, Persimmon’s Dream House weaves a story of love, friendship, enchantment, and finding home in the most unexpected places. Will Perri have what it takes to claim the life waiting for her, or will she flee back to the city and refuse her destiny?

If all goes according to plan, I’ll be releasing Persimmon’s Dream House this year, in the late fall - whether or not I’m still feeling scared to hit that “publish” button.

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Let’s dive into what’s been inspiring me over the past couple of months, in the hopes of sparking something within you.

As usual, we’ll start with books, my favorite special interest.

Let’s begin with some books by a friend of mine, Winter Fox. Winter writes historical fiction, primarily, and after being gifted some of their newer books, I started re-reading the Flight of the Wren series (I’d already read two of the four books thus far). It’s so good! I love the storytelling, especially the way magick and healing are portrayed in these books. I’m currently on the second book in the series, Voyage of the White Bear. I also read the standalone book Dog Mountain Witch, which is set in Maine and based on a true story. It’s a well-told tale and I read it in a day. You can find Winter’s books on this website. I highly recommend them.

In other fiction, here’s what I’ve read:

• One of my favorite movies was based on this book by the same name: Hector and the Search for Happiness by Francois LeLord. I’m excited that I finally got to enjoy it. Not as hilarious as the movie, but a good read nonetheless.

• My Friends by Fredrik Backman was powerfully written and touching, and also perhaps a bit manipulative. The reader was repeatedly led to believe one outcome, only to discover things were different. I liked it, but with reservations.

• I enjoyed the Hunger Games prequel, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins. I think I liked it more having read the original trilogy, because there were lots of connections between the stories.

• Starworld by Audrey Coulthurst was an adorable YA novel that I found at a library sale. Terrific for those of us who identify as queer and neurospicy.

• I finally read The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd. It was amazing. I love her writing. Lyrical, deeply touching, and full of symbolism. So great.

• I read The Pumpkin Spice Cafe by Laurie Gilmore - I know, I read it completely off season. It was a cute romance, if a little formulaic. I don’t think I need to read the rest of the series.

• Another one where I’ve already seen the movie: Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan. A fun read. I do want to read more of the series, in this case.

• The Thirteenth Child by Erin A. Craig. My aunt gave me this one because she knows I like fantasy and faerie tales. It was great! I loved it and plan to read more by this author.

• Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel. This was an excellent dystopian novel that spoke eloquently to the need for art and creativity, no matter the outer circumstances of life. A wild ride.

• I’m still loving the Dungeon Crawler Carl series by Matt Dinniman. I read book 4, The Gate of the Feral Gods, and I’m looking forward to reading book 5 as soon as my guys are done with it (we take turns being first). Guess I’m going all-in on the dystopia this year. Hmm, I wonder why that could be…

• One of my favorite authors for historical fiction is Susanna Kearsley. I read Bellewether and loved it. I especially enjoy how she adds a pinch of the supernatural to her novels.

• The Boleyn Inheritance by Philippa Gregory was good, though not my favorite of hers so far. I have a stack of other books by her to get to soon.

In terms of nonfiction, here’s what I’ve read recently and am currently reading:

• Help Thanks Wow: The Three Essential Prayers by Anne Lamott was a short read and rather inspiring. I always enjoy her books, even though we don’t share the same religion.

• The Book of Alchemy: A Creative Practice for an Inspired Life by Suleika Jaouad is one of those tomes that was lent to me, but I’m going to buy a copy to keep. I adore the inspiring tales of creativity against all odds, the juicy journaling prompts, and the author’s story of overcoming many obstacles. This should be on the bookshelf of anyone who considers themself an artist of any kind.

• The Wisdom of Your Dreams by Jeremy Taylor is an expanded edition of one of his earlier books on dreaming, which I read years ago. This is well worth your time, if you’re interested at all in dreaming, archetypes, and personal growth. I very highly recommend it.

• Excuses Begone! by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer was an interesting and inspiring self-help book. It isn’t one of his better ones, in my opinion, but I’m glad I read it.

• I’m currently reading Cooked: A Natural History of Transformation by Michael Pollan. It’s about food. I love his books. He consistently makes what could be a dry topic into a compelling story.

• I’m also reading A Modern Guide to Human Design by Rachel Lieberman. It’s more informal than other books I’ve read on this topic. I’m learning new things and enjoying her perspective.

Onward to shows and movies. I’m much more likely to watch a series than I am a movie, but we did enjoy Despicable Me 4. We also watched “season 3” of Good Omens, which turned out to be just one movie-length episode. I liked it. Mostly because of David Tennant, honestly.

We’re still loving Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End, an anime series that both sets of adult kids recommended. It’s lovely and magickal.

Having finished rewatching The Big Bang Theory (an all-time favorite of mine, and one my Dad loved too), we’ve moved on to Modern Family. I never saw this show when it was airing on broadcast TV, as we didn’t have a television for quite a while. It turns out that it’s super funny, especially as you get to know the characters.

I’m watching season 2 of Beef. I started watching season 1 accidentally, but got sucked in. This one is also cringey but fascinating so far, with completely different characters. I’ve also just started watching Love on the Spectrum and I’m finding it so sweet.

In terms of games and other hobbies, we did play a few sessions of the RPG of Avatar: The Last Airbender. It’s a joy! We’re sort of pausing the gaming for a while due to the busy outdoor season.

I got a new Lego set for Mother’s Day, and so I’m now building a potted chrysanthemum. It’s fun, and a lot quicker than the Lego cat was.

I’m nearly done writing the additional material for my standalone novel, Persimmon’s Dream House. I’ll be handing it off to a couple dozen beta readers in mid-June. I can’t wait to see what their feedback will be! I’m happy with the story so far, but I know it needs some tinkering and I’m looking forward to hearing from some readers.

My adventures out in the world include lots of woods walks (and being devoured by ticks, ugh), as well as a couple of jaunts to the beach. We went to an awesome show by Bearly Dead (a Grateful Dead tribute band that we enjoy), I saw a puppet show for grownups with one of my besties, and I attended a wonderful Faerie Goddessmother retreat.

I’ve also run two weekend-long writing retreats in the past two months! Both were “small but mighty” in terms of attendance. In the virtual retreat, everyone got a ton of writing and editing done. The in-person retreat was at a new venue, and we loved it. I’ve booked the same space for a reader’s retreat in late September.

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My son-in-law is starting a podcast and I’m going to be one of the co-hosts. We’ve already recorded one session, and we have tons of ideas for more. The theme is fairly eclectic, but his special interest is learning, so we’ll be learning about all kinds of topics from many different interesting folks. My segments will also have bookish and writing content, of course. Stay tuned for the launch updates!

What have you been up to this Spring? Comment below and share some of your creations and interests. I’d love to hear them!

It seems like the timing for these inspiration wrap-up posts is about every other month; that’s what has been happening (rather than monthly) so I’m going to embrace it. See, look at that, personal growth. No more forcing it to be monthly just because that’s how I envisioned it originally. Heh heh.

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I’ve been doing some research and reading (online mostly) about neurodivergence, especially in older women who’ve never had a diagnosis. Much of the stuff about masking feels spot on for me: I was a people-pleaser for much of my life, I tend to stay quiet in groups to avoid intense attention, I find things to help with at parties so I don’t have to make awkward small talk, and things like that.

One thing that I only realized recently is that my lifelong love of reading is actually a special interest. The term special interest, in this context, means an intense and deeply focused passion for a particular hobby or topic. It often helps one to self-soothe, is something that remains consistent throughout one’s lifetime, and allows one to build community and solidify friendships.

All of this is true for me when it comes to books and reading. It’s kind of hilarious that I never saw it this way before. Reading is my most potent way of relaxing and comforting myself, and it always has been. I never go a day without reading. Ever. I take a book wherever I go. I need stories like I need water.

At big events, which can feel overwhelming to me, such as a wedding reception, I tend to find other readers and we chat about books. I love exchanging books with friends and family members who also read. When my Dad died, cataloguing my personal library helped me deal with grief and be less overwhelmed by it.

Reading feels like such a treat to me that I also took a long time to realize that it was even a hobby, and more than that, something I can integrate into my career. I know. It seems obvious now. The rise of BookTok and the reading community on other social media platforms, from Instagram to GoodReads and Fable has allowed me to see how this special interest is not just a secret pleasure, something I get to do when my work is done and the day’s responsibilities are complete.

I’ve just booked a venue in late September for a reading retreat that I’m going to host, here in Maine, and it’s lighting me up in the best of ways! I’m planning to curate book-related gifts for each attendee. I’m already thinking of what I’ll choose to read during the retreat. I am truly into this stuff. Again, it seems obvious, in retrospect. Duh.

When I looked up special interests, one of the things I learned is that many folks on the spectrum successfully make their special interest part of their profession. I’ve already done that, in part, by being a writer. But reading? Just…reading? This beloved thing that has been part of my identity for so long can be part of my cherished and self-designed career, too? Holy wow. Life is good.

This reminds me of one summer in my early 20s. I had graduated from college and was having a rough time finding work in my field (broadcasting). I found an ad in a magazine with the title “Read Books for Money!” and instantly sent in for the booklet that would tell me how. I tried to make it work, but it was one of the many disappointments of that year. I mentally filed it under things that were “too good to be true.” The following year I got a job at the public broadcasting station, and stepped fully into what was definitely plan B.

I wish I could go back to that younger version of me and tell her to keep the faith. I’d let her know that reading is very much of value, and that someday we’d get to focus on books and stories - our own and those of others - all day, every day.

Sure, along with reading and writing books, I also run retreats, coach others on writing their manuscripts, and do some select editing gigs. It’s not always easy or smooth. Many of the skills I use in my business were learned from my “plan B” career and through the aid of helpful biz coaches and mentors. I have to do things I don’t like, sometimes (hello, sales and marketing). I currently cobble together lots of related tasks in order to pay the bills, and sometimes I still fall short, financially.

But it’s worth it. My entire world is steeped in the things I love most: reading, writing, journaling, stories, words, imagination, and creativity. My special interest is not just a hidden joy and a coping mechanism, but is now so much more. This thing that I do to stay relatively sane in an overwhelming world has become an integral part of my life’s callings. I’m so grateful.

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As our leader shared her knowledge of needing to block off your doorways and stay indoors for at least a week after a nuclear explosion, I wandered away to look at a vibrantly-blooming forsythia bush.

“That isn’t the timeline for me,” I thought. “I’m staying in El Mundo Bueno, where we don’t need to know that stuff.”

It reminded me of an oracle reading I’d received two summers ago, from the same priestess who led this retreat. I’d shared how I hated the idea of a complete collapse of modern society, because it felt like if that happened, there would be no place for my skills as an author, writing coach, and retreat leader.

We’d all be reduced to trying to survive.

I’d have to become - oh horror of horrors - a farmer.

Not that I have anything against farmers. I value them highly. I’ve been vegetarian and sometimes pescetarian for my entire adult life, and fresh local eggs and veggies are the best. But it’s not where my talents, skills, or desires lie. I hate getting up early. I don’t like to kill things, even plants. I’m allergic to a lot of outdoor things. It’s just not my wheelhouse. I’d rather do what I love, follow my callings, and pay someone well for organic produce.

It’s at this point that Zeke, my spirit guide, taps my metaphorical shoulder. He reminds me that I wouldn’t have been given these callings if there wasn’t some way to fulfill them. I get that.

This makes me think of my childhood desire to become an author. It felt natural and obvious. I loved reading from a very young age. I wrote in tiny notebooks. I had elaborate imagination games, and imaginary friends to share them with. Looking back, I can see that I was attuned to magick before I knew what it meant.

I’ve often reflected on how grateful I am for three vital gifts my parents gave me: not being raised in an organized religion, reading whatever I chose, and living in the woods. I was solidly grounded in Nature and stories.

At least until school and society got their hooks into me. I was a smart kid, and this was the 1970s and 80s, so I got placed in first the “gifted and talented” program - which was actually nourishing to my creativity - and then the college prep track. Our family was lower-middle class, and it wasn’t common to attend a four-year college, but from early on, it was assumed by all of my teachers that this was the path I’d take. Most of the other kids in this track were from middle- and upper-class families, so they had the ski vacations, Izod shirts, and electronic gadgets that were often not in my family’s budget. This made me aware of the lack of money and its importance. I grew ashamed of our mobile home and didn’t want to invite my friends over. I overlooked the bounty of the woods and fields and nearby lake.

When it was suggested (by teachers) that my desire to be an author wasn’t practical, that one “couldn’t make money” by writing books, it made sense to change my plans. I decided to become a journalist, like Connie Chung and the other glamorous newscasters I saw on TV. I applied to Emerson College in Boston, known for its excellent journalism program. My high grades got me in, but as a shy and overwhelmed sensitive kid, I didn’t have the extracurricular panache to stand out, which meant I didn’t get a big scholarship. I had no college fund to fall back on. It made more sense to attend the University of Maine, for purely financial reasons.

I don’t regret going there. I learned a lot from some excellent professors. I met my husband Quester on campus. I found my hippie, New Age people. I had a spiritual awakening that has served me well. After graduating, I enjoyed a first career in public radio that taught me many valuable skills that I still use today - and I got to do some traveling (to industry conferences) that inspired me.

But I think that I still hold some anger and resentment at being drawn away from my callings and my creativity for so long. My first book was published when I was 43. Where would I be now if I’d started two decades earlier?

Yes, there is something to the notion of needing to gain life experience before writing well. But I’d always had a strong imagination. What if I, like my own kids, had been homeschooled? What if I’d never squashed my creative ideas in favor of delivering “the right answers” on tests and in essays? What if I’d honed my passion for stories, and had never taken that college class in creative writing with the cynical professor who thought she was helping by being harsh and discouraging? Where would I be now if I’d gone all-in with my writing from the start?

I’m a 4/6 in Human Design, which means that the first part of my adult life was meant to be spent in observer mode. Having a “practice career,” I can see in retrospect, was a useful way to achieve that. There was less pressure to be the best at it, or to honor it as a true calling, and there was space and time to explore my nascent spirituality.

Crafting my second career has been an intense process, one that wouldn’t have been possible while actively raising children and developing my own coping skills for living life as a highly sensitive, neurodivergent person. It’s for the best, the way things unfolded.

And yet. There’s still resentment. Anger. Even rage. When I catch a whiff of anything that might prevent me from continuing on this path, with the time I have left on Earth, it pisses me off. I don’t want to be a farmer, a homesteader, a journalist, or even a lottery winner.

I want to succeed at this sacred calling, to and beyond my wildest dreams.

I want the new society to support and encourage us: the artists, entrepreneurs, and free spirits.

I want it for myself, yes, but also for all those like me.

I long for all of us to be supported in following our true callings, whatever they might be.

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Have you read the book Thank and Grow Rich by Pam Grout? It’s a game-changer. After a rough winter and a rocky spring, I finally feel the energies shifting. I pulled this book off the shelf for a burst of inspiration, and wanted to share it with you.

When I first read it, nearly ten years ago, BlackLion and I took on the main practice of the book, which is mentioned in the subtitle: "A 30-Day Experiment In Shameless Gratitude and Unabashed Joy."

It worked wonders. I mean, I was already a pretty happy person. But during the experiment, I received amazing blessings, opened to more joy than ever, and acted like a kid in a candy store, just in the course of everyday life.

Quester actually asked me to tone it down a little. That made me laugh!

The book did, too. If you've read Pam Grout's books before, you'll know that she's pretty hilarious. Her stories are fun and easy to identify with. She's definitely one of those spiritual leaders who can dance, if you know what I mean. I enjoyed her book E Squared, too, but for some reason this one was especially powerful.

It might be partly that I was primed and ready for it. But I think so many of us are - even more so now, as we undertake a collective transformation of consciousness. We're more than ready to ditch the old patriarchal, limitation-filled, what-you-see-is-what-you-get, materialistic world. Enough, already!

By opening yourself to the magick and blessings that are all around you (yes, even now!), you truly are opening yourself to further blessings. With those blessings - the ones you recognize that you already have and the new ones that keep flooding in - you're living in a positive state, rather than being constantly stressed and worried. From that place, you can much more easily be of big service to the world.

Gratitude is a foundational practice. It's the quickest, most effective way to open yourself to the channel you really want to be tuned into as you walk this Earth. Grout's sound advice, sprinkled with fascinating research and wonder-invoking anecdotes, will help you get onto the frequency of gratitude in a big way, in just 5 minutes a day. This will help you shift your own energies towards more creativity and magick.

It can't hurt to try it, right?

I most highly recommend it. Years after the 30 days, I’ve kept my daily gratitude practice up and running. I focus on it each morning as part of my journaling process. It's powerful stuff.

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I’ve been working with my new “wellness protocol” since the first part of November, on and off. The protocol, in short: no sugary treats or fried foods (except on an occasional “treat day”), don’t snack after dinner (which means intermittent fasting, since I don’t eat breakfast), and move my body more. Initially, I lost weight regularly, letting go of 14 pounds by the end of the calendar year. Since then, I’ve been stuck on a plateau.

This year so far, I’ve been dancing with the guidelines I set for myself, playing with pushing the boundaries. I’ve exercised more, overall, but have also done some evening snacking and gone back and forth with eating sugary treats. I’m still on the plateau, as a result.

I made it through March, a time of year when I tend to struggle. Last March, traveling to Portugal helped me to manage the March blues. It was the easiest one I can remember for a long while. This year, I didn’t have the funds for a spring trip. Now it’s April, and I’ve finally begun to emerge from the winter months, slowly, like the weather here in Maine. My favorite thing right now is my daily walk in the woods behind my home.

I’ve been focusing on giving myself grace as I navigate the process of being well. What do I mean by that? Over the course of my life, I internalized a very strong inner critic. I truly believed that all of the things I struggled with were a problem with, well, me. I tried to scold and bully myself into shape. That didn’t work. The rebellious part of me would just be like, “Nope. Not playing.”

I’ve discovered that having guidelines (as opposed to strict rules) is the best way to change my unwanted habits. Now I’m figuring out what to do when I stray away from these self-designed guidelines. Grace, in this situation, means noticing that I’ve strayed, and gently refocusing on the guidelines. It means skipping the part where I berate myself for eating chocolate chip cookies or not going to yoga class.

Now I’m wondering how to use this concept of grace to dance within the guidelines. How might I proactively use grace to meet my goals? I found this old blog post from 2011 (15 years ago) about grace and wondered what gems of wisdom it might hold for my current situation.

From March 2011:

For my Elements Study Group, I created a worksheet on "Fire and Pride." The idea was to get us thinking about what we're proud of, and what it is that feeds the fire within. In this context I mean authentic pride, the feeling of accomplishment that comes from within and needs no competition or comparison.

One of the questions was: "What physical aspect of myself do I most appreciate?" To my surprise, one of my answers was that I am proud of my physical flexibility and grace. The reason I'm surprised is that grace wasn't something that came naturally to me. As a child, I was small and physically awkward and much preferred reading to playing ball. Gym class was a nightmare, as I was also shy and easily embarrassed at my lack of skill. I was chosen last for teams, or very close to last, many times. I stood there, red-faced, just wishing it would be over.

One of the most intense memories is when we were learning to play volleyball. Everyone had to take a turn to serve the ball. Do you think this short, shy, awkward girl could get that ball over the net? Not a chance. But I had to stand there and try repeatedly, everyone staring at me, until finally the gym teacher decided I was doing my best and took pity on me.

Yet in later life, I realized that I was capable of my own brand of gracefulness. I grew up near a lake, and I could swim well. When I first met Quester, one summer day we went swimming and I was surprised to find that he was tired way before I was. I also learned to dance that summer at a Grateful Dead concert. I mean really dance, flowing with the grooves and rhythms of the music. What a revelation! I also started hiking, and reveled in the thrill of making it to the top of the mountain, seeing the view and knowing that I'd climbed all that way under my own power.

When I discovered yoga, it seemed like a natural extension of the new peace I'd made with my body. I began to frame things differently: I wasn't the opposite of an athlete, I just preferred non-competitive, individual sports. I found it fun to get out and be active, and the balance helped improve my overall physical health.

I also see this discovery of my physical grace as a metaphor for the larger concept of gracefulness. I was a very sensitive child, and the world was often too much for me. I became easily stressed out, and often felt like I didn't belong here. I am a classic "late bloomer." Throughout my adult life, things have gotten easier as I become more fully myself. I now have many tools to rely on when things get challenging, and daily spiritual practice that keeps me centered. I am living, much of the time, with grace, something I once wouldn't have believed possible. And I'm very thankful for it.

***

I still love yoga, swimming, dancing, and hiking. I’ve already been returning to the first three, and will no doubt be hiking when the weather allows.

There’s also an element of what initially seems like positive self-judgement that’s in the mix. Another blog post from the same time period speaks to what I mean.

Another excerpt, also from March 2011:

I’ve been focusing on self-love and acceptance over the past couple of months. It’s been going well, overall. I mean, there are still ups and downs as I learn how to love myself. If you’re someone who hasn’t struggled with this, self-love sounds very simple. On the other hand, if unconditional love for yourself is a new concept, or has been an ongoing challenge, you probably know what I mean.

One thing I’ve been noticing over the past few days is when I move into self-judgment. Over the years of hanging out with friends with philosophy degrees, I’ve learned not to entirely condemn the idea of judgment. We need to be able to use our judgment to discern what we value, fine-tune our ethics, make wise choices, and discover our preferences. What I’m talking about is the negative connotation of the term: making our love or approval conditional, contingent on some action we may or may not take.

To use a common example, there’s exercise. When I choose to do my yoga routine or take a long walk, I’ve noticed that I feel good about it. On one level, there’s the release that my body and emotions experience, the actual “feeling good” part, which is natural and enjoyable. But there’s another level. I “feel good” about myself, as in “feeling virtuous for having done this thing I should do.” It feels like a false boost to the ego. It’s like I’ve absorbed, on some deep level, the punishment and reward system so prevalent in our culture.

The reverse is true as well. If my mental to-do list includes something like writing an article or doing the laundry, and then my day proceeds in a new direction, I may feel like I’ve failed in some minor way. Usually the emotions are easily worked through and I move on, but what I’m questioning now is whether I can get rid of this layer entirely. I’ve somehow trained myself to listen to that inner critic, but I think it’s time to send it home. This week, I’m working on not only noticing the impulse to judge myself, but also mindfully releasing it. It feels like a sigh of relief. Ahhhhhhh...

***

If I’m praising myself for exercising or for not snacking in the evening, the other side of the coin means that I’m “wrong” when I don’t follow the guidelines. Not getting that little hit of dopamine from “doing the thing” can trigger the inner critic’s voice.

If, however, I let go of all control, I tend to follow the pleasures that I know negatively impact my health: eating too much sugar, being too sedentary, snacking without restraint. I am still not sure what the middle path looks like, but I suspect that it somehow involves this concept of grace.

Giving myself grace when I don’t do the things that move me toward wellness, yes, but also being graceful as I dance my way through life. Listening to my body as much as I do my mind. Following inspired actions that arise from my intuition.

I’ve read that the brain is trained to keep us safe by sticking to the routines that have kept us alive. That’s why it can be challenging to adopt new habits. There’s an inherent resistance to change baked into our minds. Moving beyond it requires some determination and momentum. I found it back in November. Can I locate it again, here in at the beginning of spring? I hope so.

With exercise, I’ve found it by doing things that delight my inner child and promote spiritual connection: going to a class at the yoga studio, swimming in the pool at the Y, dancing to a recording of live music by bands I love, walking on the beach. I’m not sure how to do it with the snacking thing.

I have a bias against that feeling of being hungry but not fulfilling it. So far, I’ve negotiated it by feeling the satisfaction of self-approval, but recently I haven’t been able to stick to my resolve. I’m not sure why. Exquisite self-care includes reading good books, and I’ve been doing a lot of that. I adore my new journal that I bought for myself. I don’t know what else to give myself for exquisite self-care, especially when travel feels out of reach. What new way can I discover, to give myself grace and still reach my wellness goals?

I still have more questions than answers, but I strongly suspect that grace is part of the solution.

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I’m trying to reconcile the things that people say about me, which are positive for the most part, and the way I feel inside. I often feel like I’m failing to measure up in some key way. I feel this most in the realms of money and my weight.

Then a dear friend says that she’s amazed at how much I do, and cites the examples of all the books I’ve written and continue to write. Another close friend says that I so often take care of others’ needs that I forget my own. She praises me for asking for what I needed this weekend, when I had a headache and was feeling “off.” This praise makes me cry.

Why do I continue to hold myself to such a high standard that I can’t see the positive in what I offer the world?

The answer comes immediately, from Talking Self, the eternal inner critic: “Well, your retreat is in less than two weeks and you have just barely broken even, with fewer than half the attendees you wanted. Your workshop this week may not have sold any spots yet, and will probably get cancelled. Your weight loss has stalled and you’re not doing enough to get it moving again. Your business is not supporting you and you’re getting behind on your household bills. You probably won’t get to have a vacation trip this year because you don’t have the money.”

Oh dear. As much as I’ve been doing my inner shadow work and unlearning the focus on what’s wrong that we’re taught by mainstream society, there’s still more to be healed. Spiritual growth happens in a spiral, not a straight line, I remind myself once again.

I try to focus on the present moment. But perhaps by letting the past go too assiduously, I’m not able to see the things I’ve already done, the ways in which I have succeeded. The money I made and then willingly spent on vet bills this past fall and winter, and the beloved cat and dog who are both healed and thriving. The 14 pounds I’ve lost since November. The strength that I feel increasing thanks to the yoga, swimming, and walking that I’ve done. The novel I’ve written and am currently revising. The love and support in my community.

Perhaps I still focus too much on the near future: the bills coming due, the day trips I’ve planned and now need to finance, the desire to take a trip somewhere. I am good at dreaming and visioning for the big picture, but it’s that middle ground of “but how do I get there?” that trips me up.

I have been posting every week on a regional entrepreneur group, and am one of 5 women (in a group of 54,402 members) with the longest streak: 27 weeks. That is objectively a huge achievement!

Yet my Talking Self brain asks: “Sure, but what have you gotten out of it? Certainly not any new business, not recently.”

This smug self-sabotaging voice is not amusing. This Substack article is becoming more like a LiveJournal post. Will I be brave enough to share it? That remains to be seen.

Talking Self says “it’s not a helpful article that will attract readers to our offerings. It’s not polished or useful.”

Younger Self says softly, “but it’s how I really feel, and I’m sure others feel the same way.”

Rebel Nikki adds, “screw you, Talking Self, what do you know anyway?”

Deep Self smiles and encourages me to share it from a place of love, rather than hiding due to fear.

There are so many expectations around creativity and entrepreneurship. I’ve internalized a lot of them. I’ve noticed that when I set aside the rule about “being polished, professional, and confident at all times,” and instead share from a place of raw authenticity, that’s when I get interaction and responses. That should tell me something.

I think about those I follow, those coaches I’ve worked with, and the teachers I value. Often they have shared their raw selves, in ways that made me feel seen and heard. They show up in a real way that allows them to acknowledge their own fears, failures, and stumbling blocks. Who am I to do any less?

The name of this blog is Invoking Creative Magick, and I have a practice of reading each post before I publish it, with an eye to how it relates to that intention. I think the message here is that we’re all works in progress. When we try to keep things polished and professional, we might be intimidating those we seek to serve.

Creativity is messy. So is life. Magick is chaotic and dynamic. Invoking our creative magick isn’t a one-and-done thing. The most important part of it is continuing to show up. I’m going to peel back the curtain and post this. I’m going to let readers and potential clients see the not-so-fun parts of the process. I’m going to continue to do my inner work, show up to write, and do my best. That’s all I can do, no more and no less. This is part of the magick.

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I hope it sparks something for you. If you resonate with or are curious about anything in this discussion, please share your point of view or questions in the comments.

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After all my complaining about March, I had a note on my calendar to write an “inspiration wrap-up” today. I mean, I’m joking, I have had plenty of inspiration even during this most challenging of months (and in February, though I didn’t write a wrap-up post for some reason). If all goes well, we start a whole new, warmer and sunnier month tomorrow. Heh heh.

As usual, much of my inspiration comes from books, so let’s start there.

I’m reading Hagitude: Reimagining the Second Half of Life by Sharon Blackie and it’s outstanding. I don’t agree with every idea, but I feel connected to her powerful writing and the way it seems to emerge from Nature and the numinous. I do love faery tales, especially about women. I haven’t quite finished the book but I’ve already been recommending it to friends.

Other notable nonfiction I’ve read recently: an excellent writing craft book called The Creative Compass, by author Dan Millman and his daughter, Sierra Prasada; Elizabeth Gilbert’s heartbreaking memoir, All The Way to the River (wow!); and How to Read the Akashic Records by Linda Howe.

In terms of fiction, I just finished reading The Wayfinder by Adam Johnson. It’s set in the islands of the South Pacific, in a vaguely-defined mythic time. It’s literary fiction and was a little complicated and weird to start, but it’s well-written and provides interesting commentary on modern public life. It was also really funny at times, and poignant at others.

Once in a while I read YA novels, and this short one was good: Eggs by Jerry Spinelli. A sweet but intense summer for two struggling kids. All the feels.

I adored House of Flame and Shadow by Sarah J. Maas, and I’m delighted to hear that she’ll have a new book out later this year, as otherwise I’m all caught up on everything she’s published. I’m loving Matt Dinniman’s Dungeon Crawler Carl series. I also (finally!) read Babel by R.F. Kuang, which had come highly recommended, and for good reason. It’s excellent.

Next up I’m going to read some more historical fiction: The Boleyn Inheritance by Philippa Gregory and Bellewether by Susanna Kearsley are both on my bedside bookshelf.

I’m not sure what I’ll start next for nonfiction, yet. I have a solid pile of books to choose from (see the picture, above). Quantum Psychology is, I think, a re-read, and Awakening Intuition is one of my previously unfinished reads that I’m completing this year (it makes my Virgo Sun side happy to wrap things up). Which one should I read next?

(The nonfiction TBR stack includes: You Were Born for This by Chani Nicholas, Awakening Intuition by Mona Lisa Schulz, Me and White Supremacy by Layla Saad, Help Thanks Wow by Anne Lamott, Lao Tzu’s Tao Te Ching translated by Ursula K. LeGuin, Quantum Psychology by Robert Anton Wilson, Tibetan Tale of Love and Magic by Alexandra David-Neel, Yemaya by Raven Morgaine, The Last Hours of Ancient Sunlight by Thom Hartmann, The Wisdom of Your Dreams by Jeremy Taylor, and The Spiritual Life of Water by Alick Bartholomew).

Shows that we’ve been watching this month:

We wrapped up a couple of new seasons from series we like: Bridgerton, as always, was an enjoyable sweet treat. I liked Starfleet Academy, the new Star Trek series. It’s fun and adventurous.

We’re currently enjoying Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End, an anime series that both sets of adult kids recommended. We just started Star Wars: Skeleton Crew, which so far is fun and cute. We’re nearing the end of our rewatch of The Big Bang Theory, and it still makes me laugh.

I watched the movie People We Meet on Vacation, even though I haven’t read the book yet (it’s by Emily Henry). It was cute. I enjoyed the characters. I’ll probably read the novel at some point.

I finished my Lego cat, and he’s adorable. I’m told there is now an orange tiger one as well. We’re still enjoying our role-playing games, Pathfinder 2 and Star Trek Adventures, and we’re about to start a new one. Avatar Legends is based on a show that our whole family loves, Avatar: The Last Airbender. I’ll let you know what we think.

I’ve finished the first pass of revisions for my stand-alone cozy fantasy novel, Persimmon’s Dream House. Now I’m going to add a sub-plot involving one of the dream-world characters, a pegasus named Gregory. I’ll write it all in one document, like a novella, and then sprinkle it throughout the book. It’ll be fun, but also tie together some of the loose ends that I’ve found while editing.

As far as adventures outside of my creative cave, here’s a sampling of what I’ve gotten up to since my last wrap-up post in early February: made Valentines at my Mom’s house, swam several times with a mermaid friend, gave a sermon at the UU church, did crafts with my besties, attended a tea party, went to IKEA with my daughter-in-law, and went out dancing to live music. A bunch of fun plans were cancelled due to snowy and icy weather over the last couple of months, but that’s par for the course in winter in Maine. I do love cancelled plans, because then I get some extra time to curl up with a book and my cats.

What about you? Share your recent inspirations in the comments. What are you reading, playing, and watching these days? What are you writing and creating?

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I was inspired to do this by the response to this post.

If this resonates, please comment with ideas for future videos. What are your thoughts and questions?

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I made a BINGO game, to encourage myself to have fun this spring. Here’s what it looks like:

I finished my Lego cat project this weekend, and it’s so adorable. Merry LoveCat likes to get up on the table and steal the whiskers right off the cat’s face. So I guess it’s her boyfriend now.

I’m still slowly working on the revisions for my novel, Persimmon’s Dream House. The main character is a version of me: someone who has felt like a misfit, and like living in human society is unusually hard, for most of her life. I like her. I hope the readers do, too - especially my fellow weirdos.

Lately I’m playing with the idea that I’m autistic, and was never diagnosed. I grew up in the 70s and 80s, so the undiagnosed part makes some sense. I took a couple of quizzes (one that my daughter sent me, and another by a psychiatrist who specializes in autism in women) and all signs point to yes. My son said I’m too empathic to be autistic, and one of my besties also didn’t think it was true, and she’s known me for years now.

But I don’t know. I feel like it’s probably a thing. We’re rewatching The Big Bang Theory, and a lot of the time I feel like Sheldon, only nicer. I’m rather particular about odd things.

I want the vegetables in my food to be cut up just the right way (tiny for tuna or tempeh salad, medium dice for soups and stir fries, chunky for Thai food, and the carrots need to be cut on a slant, unless they’re very skinny).

I reorganize the dishwasher to load it the “right” way.

Although I love to swim, I don’t like baths and just kind of tolerate showers (especially in winter - the air is too cold). Hot tubs are good, though.

I rarely get my hair cut by professionals because I detest the small talk.

I’m not spontaneous. I like to make plans, but I also love when plans get cancelled.

I go really deep on subjects that interest me.

I constantly have music playing in my mind.

I’ve always communicated with animals more easily than people.

I was a straight-A student, in the gifted & talented program, and yet I had to actively re-establish my creativity as an adult, because I’d stifled it in favor of good grades and people-pleasing.

I have little rituals for everything, from driving to getting ready to go out.

These are just a few examples.

I definitely approach life differently than most of the people I know. But, after a lifetime of observation, I can usually fit in pretty well. I’m a chameleon - and not always on purpose. I prefer the company of people who allow me to be myself. It’s better not to have to keep the mask on. It takes a lot of energy to smooth myself out for mainstream society.

Last week I was invited to a new Facebook group called Weirdos of the World: Seekers, Light Workers, Artists & Entrepreneurs. There are nearly 400 of us in the group now. I posted an introduction and was received in all my strangeness, with a warm welcome. I love it.

Human Design is also a place where I feel seen and understood. I asked someone who does Human Design readings: as a Reflector, which represents 1% of the population, doesn’t that make me, by definition, neurodivergent?

She wasn’t sure. But I feel like it does. I was also in the single-digit-percentile on the Meyers-Briggs test, and Enneagram, etc. I’m officially a “highly sensitive person.”

I’ve thought about pursuing an official diagnosis, mostly so I can write about it with confidence and street cred. But I don’t really need any services or support from anyplace that would require a diagnosis. In talking with a good friend about this, she mentioned that I could simply talk about the broader category of being “neurospicy,” or neurodivergent, without mentioning my own diagnosis, or suspicion of such. I like that idea, though for this initial post, I wanted to share thoughts on potential autism as a diagnosis. Oh yes, there will be more posts on this…

Anyway, as I said, I don’t really need services or medication or anything. I’m 56 years old, I feel pretty competent most days, and I’ve developed my own coping mechanisms over time.

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Want to know what they are? Number one in my tool kit is my daily spiritual practice. Each morning when I wake up, I stay in bed for an hour or more (though I have a shorter version for those rare occasions when I have to get moving early). What I actually do during that time tends to change over time. Currently, it includes journaling, prayer, meditation, and drawing a Tarot card and an oracle card.

I also make sure I have time to read every day. Books have been my companions since very early childhood. Diving into a story or an interesting topic helps me recharge. It gives me a little break from being myself. I take a book everywhere I go. I can’t imagine a day without reading.

At this stage in my life, I also make sure I have some time to myself every day. When I was working outside the home full time and raising the kids, this wasn’t always possible. But when I can get time to myself, regularly, I feel better. Having my own home office is a huge help with this. It is my space, and no one else comes in unless they are invited, or they are a cat or dog. Yes, I realize that needing time alone is more the marker of an introvert than necessarily being part of a diagnosis. No matter the reason, it definitely helps.

I’ve also learned about somatic practices, and this has helped me to regulate my nervous system to a much greater degree. I discovered yoga when I was in my 20s, and that has always helped. But now I know why. I do yoga nearly every day. I use conscious breathing when I’m feeling upset. I prioritize environments where I can breathe freely. I get time outside in Nature regularly, except in winter, when it’s too cold for me. Actually, maybe that’s why I’m gasping for air by the end of March.

I’ve been doing shadow work in a devoted way for several years, and releasing trauma from my body as well as other parts of my psyche. I didn’t really realize, until I started consciously releasing the trauma from being a misfit in the wider world, how much it affected me. As I told Quester a few years back, I had a constant low-grade anxiety all the time, which I didn’t know was there until it was gone. His response was, “wow, I feel so sorry for you.” It wasn’t something that was part of his experience. Now that my baseline is relaxation, it makes it more obvious when I do experience misalignment, and then I can use my somatic and other tools to re-regulate.

What does all this have to do with invoking creative magick? As I told my friend when we were talking about it, I feel like, because of my personal experience, I have tools to offer to others in similar situations. I mentioned earlier that I had to unpack my creativity after repressing it for many years. This is something that I already help my clients with, as a writing coach. It’s not just the actual skills of writing a book that I’m sharing, but also methods to reclaim one’s innate creativity.

I use the lens of magick and ritual to do this, because it’s something I love, and it inspires my imagination.

Does any of this resonate with you? Let me know your thoughts and questions, please, as I’m planning to further explore the intersection of neurodivergence and creativity in future posts.

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Last year I broke the March-is-hard cycle a bit by taking a trip to Portugal in March (pictured below). It lifted my spirits, inspired my creativity, and helped me to flow more easily through the last parts of winter into full spring. This year, I don’t have a travel budget (yet). I spent it all on veterinarian bills, and I’m so grateful that our pets are feeling better. But it leaves me to weather this grey month here at home, with the snow and mud and rain.

I’m taking things slow and leaning into my “exquisite self-care” mode, which I invented several years ago (I wrote about it here, last March). The core of this mode, along with regular spiritual practice, is being kind to myself. My tendency when things don’t feel good is to go into self-blame and self-criticism. That is not a helpful way to approach struggles.

Here’s a list of some of my current favorite self-care tools (in addition to my daily spiritual practice each morning):

• reading novels in a comfy chair with a fuzzy blanket and (when they feel like it) a snuggle cat

• when the weather permits, going for a walk

• writing in my journal (a fancy moon & stars one I got for myself this winter)

• savoring a cup of hot chai with honey and soy milk

• playing in my art journal

• listening to music

• learning and studying things that interest me

• getting together with my best friends to do art or have tea or whatever we feel like doing

• watching funny or fanciful shows (Big Bang Theory, Bridgerton, and Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End are current favorites)

• playing with Legos

• cooking or baking

• bundling up and going to the beach

• organizing things (yes, this helps to calm me - thanks, Virgo Sun)

This year I’ve added some affordable mood-changers to the list: a YMCA membership (so I can swim!), and classes at my favorite yoga studio. One of my besties just gave me a new oracle deck, Work Your Light by Rebecca Campbell, so I’m using that, along with essential oil blends, to help lift my spirits.

It also helps me to have adventures to look forward to, and even though I haven’t planned any personal travel yet, I do have fun things coming up this year. I’m looking forward to my April retreat, at the New Moon, in my favorite seaside neighborhood. My summer retreat at the luxurious new venue is going to be super magickal, too! I love hosting retreats. I’m thinking of maybe attending one this summer, too, if I can find one that resonates.

There are lots of cool things happening in our family this year. We’ve been walking on the family land with our kids, looking at spots for them to build. It’s so exciting!

In my creative cave, I’ve been working on revisions for my novel-in-progress, Persimmon’s Dream House. It’s going well. I know I need to rework some of the scenes and tighten up the plot, but overall I like the characters and how things are unfolding. I’m learning about the Akashic Records and how to guide myself and others on journeys to the records hall. I have a new Human Design book to start soon. I always have tons of great fiction to read, and stories to play with. But I’m still getting tired of winter mode.

I think exquisite self-care also includes themes of surrender and control. When I try to control things in my life too much, it’s like pushing the river. I know that things work better when I let it flow, instead. Divine timing is often quite different than what I’d prefer. I keep telling myself that it’s still winter, and that hibernating is okay. But I long for warm weather, new adventures, and expansion. I want those big-picture dreams to come true.

Life isn’t about always being joyful and successful. There are going to be rough times here on the Earth plane, and learning to handle them without falling apart is part of our lessons. I’m walking the spiral path of spiritual growth, and hopefully learning more each time around the curve. Perhaps this will eventually become a season to look forward to - and in the meantime, I think I’ll start saving for a trip to southern France, or perhaps the British Virgin Isles, next March.

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And Yet More

by Nikki Starcat Shields

Love is tender and kind

Silly and fae

Lush and responsive

Passionate, shared.

Love is trying again

And again

When communication

Breaks down

Because the heart

Still knows

Still feels

That connection,

The spark,

Soul to soul,

The shared joys

And forgotten sorrows.

Love is in motion

Always transforming

Expanding

Embracing

A bit more

And more

And yet more.

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Soul Kin

by Nikki Starcat Shields

When once we met

In golden forests

Spinning dizzily,

Looking up at the sun-gilded trees,

I felt so free and alive.

We walk in dreamscapes, now,

Shadowy, liminal,

Hand in hand

Down a long passageway,

Catching up on

Books and lovers,

Kids and missions.

Waking too soon,

Our conversation

Incomplete.

I glimpse your essence

In laughing eyes,

A stag bounding

Across a snowy field,

The starry skyscape,

Distant and flickering.

A tinkling melody

On an old piano

Reminds me of you

And your genteel presence.

Where are you now?

In which when

Do you dwell

While I pick my way,

Carefully, through

The remains

Of all that we once

Celebrated, cherished?

It washes away,

Like those glimmering afternoons,

Wandering the lost byways

Of the multiverse,

Making up songs

And dreaming of

The children we’d become,

One day,

Far from

Where we began.

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The Flag

by Nikki Starcat Shields

Making the birch tree hold the flag

Is an artificial construction

This is not an American tree

It is rooted in Earth

Drinking deeply of rain

Weaving patterns in the air

Reaching for the sun’s fiery glow

This tattered bit of cloth

On metal pole

Not more than a thorn

In its side

To be thrown off

In a few short seasons

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How to Make Love to a Priestess of the Goddess

by Nikki Starcat Shields

It’s a busy time for the priestesses,

What with the rise of the Feminine Divine,

And all that resistance

And backlash

And such.

Your priestess is probably tired,

Though invigorated.

She’s working hard

To heal old wounds,

Uplift the community,

Run her household,

(Like a queen)

And tend to her gardens,

Whether literal or metaphorical,

Or both.

To make love to this priestess,

Approach her in reverence.

Worship her golden being.

Maybe offer to bathe her feet,

Or rub her aching calves.

Be gentle.

Stroke her as if she were a

Wary cat.

Remember all the things she does for you

Every day, without being asked;

The things you might not even notice

Unless they were absent.

Make love to her with an attitude of

Generous service.

Bringing her pleasure,

The way she desires,

Will delight you, as well.

Sometimes she forgets,

In her whirlwind of energy,

That she has a body,

One that can relax and release,

Receive as well as give,

And join in sacred connection

With her beloved consort.

Remind her.

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As always, please note that these aren’t necessarily books that came out in 2025, just ones that I encountered and very much enjoyed.

I read 77 books in 2025. According to the Fable app, which I joined early in 2024, I read fantasy, historical fiction, romance, science fiction, personal growth, and literary fiction this past year.

I enjoyed reading books from several excellent series, which aren’t mentioned individually below. I wanted to recommend them anyway: the Green Rider series by Kristen Britain continues to delight and enchant; the multiple books of The Expanse by James S.A. Corey is thought-provoking and highly entertaining sci-fi; and anything by Sarah J. Maas gets devoured with glee in this household. I also love the books of Haruki Murakami, and I’m slowly making my way through his back catalogue.

Here are the 10 books that stood out the most for me in 2025:

The House in the Cerulean Sea by T.J. Klune. This is a sweet, endearing book that captured my imagination. I love the diversity and the emphasis on valuing people based on their uniqueness, not their conformity to arbitrary standards. This tale will offer you some hope during these strange times.

When Women Were Dragons by Kelly Barnhill. I adore the story and the writing. It’s a retelling of recent history that rings true. It’s modern feminist mythology at its best. We need more books like this to keep us company as the patriarchy crumbles and the wise women step forward.

The Human Design Workbook by Karen Curry Parker. I’ve recently been fascinated by learning about Human Design. This workbook gave me a very hands-on way to go deeper into this complex system. I value how, as you respond to the journaling prompts, you’re guided in creating a personal statement that describes your life lessons and mission. Mine is fully aligned with my life experience so far.

I Am Malala by Malala Yousafzai. Although I knew some of Malala’s amazing story, her autobiography put it all into context. What a powerful young woman. Her courage and thoughtfulness are vastly inspiring, particularly in a time of intense systemic change.

Four Seasons in Rome by Anthony Doerr. The lush, lyrical writing style of this book grabbed and held my attention. I read it just after my first trip to Europe, and although the author and I had visited two different countries, I could feel the magick and history in the landscape that the author described. I also love his take on creativity and writing in the midst of the clamor of life. Really good stuff.

Wild Mercy: Living the Fierce and Tender Wisdom of the Women Mystics by Mirabai Starr. I got this one at a book swap and have already been passing it around to my witchy friends. It’s a must for those of us devoted to the Feminine Divine. Touching, inspiring, and sacred. This is the life that I am called to and strive to live.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain. I feel like I’d read this before, but apparently not. As someone who identifies as an introvert - that is, I regain my energy through solitude - it makes all the sense in the world. It felt validating and affirming to read this, while living in a society that still devalues its quieter members.

A Life in Light: Meditations on Impermanence by Mary Pipher. A good friend loaned me this memoir. It was powerfully inspiring. The author’s meditations were both deeply personal and tangibly universal. Excellent writing pairs with heartfelt topics that echo within the reader’s psyche.

A Short Walk Through a Wide World by Douglas Westerbeke. This is another story I’ve been passing around to my reader friends. It’s fiction, but also magickal and allegorical. I couldn’t stop reading it, and the main character still lives in my head. Definitely read this one, if you haven’t yet.

Maia Toll’s Wild Wisdom Companion by Maia Toll. This was a gift from a friend that I received over a year ago. I read it slowly, working through each season. The artwork is gorgeous, and the exercises were revealing. It’s a lovely companion, indeed, around the wheel of the year. I highly recommend it for anyone seeking more harmony with Nature’s cycles.

What did you read last year that you loved? What’s on your TBR stack for 2026 and beyond?

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Also, I wish I had a better word than “muggles,” because of the awful prejudices of the word’s creator, but I haven’t found one yet.

The Avatar of the Goddess in the Early 21st Century

by Nikki Starcat Shields

She is tough.

She is often rather bold.

She doesn’t like to be told what to do,

And in fact will nearly always do the opposite.

She is vulnerable.

She is sometimes insecure.

She’s had a lifetime of trauma and stress,

Which she translates into art and poetry.

She howls at the moon.

She peruses the bookshops.

She thinks that no one notices her glow,

And doesn’t bother to tone it down.

For the most part, the muggles overlook her.

But not the witches, the seers, the sorceresses

Who also walk the rain-washed streets, mostly unnoticed.

We see her clearly, admiring her from afar.

She worries as if it’s a profession she’s taken on,

Imagining the worst, panic in her lovely eyes.

She swats blessings aside like flies,

Yet we keep sending them anyway,

Because we know her.

We know she’s a part of the Goddess,

Who fuels our passions, our joy,

Our sorrows, our magick.

Our being.

A part of us.

And we, the witches, the seers, the sorceresses,

Refuse to abandon her to her despair,

Which is also ours.

Together we survive.

We thrive.

We shine.

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The Awakening

by Nikki Starcat Shields

Some people wake

From a dead sleep,

Coherent enough

To answer the phone -

The phone!

Oh hells no -

To sound like they

Were already awake.

So annoying.

Others - that’s me -

Emerge reluctantly

From dreams,

Squinting against

The sun’s bright,

Burning rays,

The urgency to pee

The final push

To return.

Stumbling back

To the pillow,

No words yet,

No thoughts,

Just fleeting images

Of where I was before.

The lingering feeling

Of the dream

Like a whiff of salt air,

Or a constriction

In my heart,

Fading as my

New day breaks.

Easing in,

Slowly,

Resisting.

Gazing out the window

At the trees moving

In the wind.

What am I doing here?

And now?

With who?

I yawn,

And stretch,

And oh so gradually,

Slowly,

Clothe myself

In personality

And purpose

And motion.

Maybe this is how

The great awakening

Of human consciousness

Proceeds,

A new day

Rippling through the

Multiverse.

Some people

Answering the call,

Consciousness

Springing to attention,

While some of us,

Slowly,

Hesitantly,

Convince ourselves

That it’s a good idea

To bother

To get out of bed.

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